Shit Just Got Real
I'm about to blow a gasket and I need to vent. So guess what, you get to hear me bitch.
The landlord started this no drinking thing on work days. And at first, I didn't think he could do it, but to my surprise he did it. He was doing super good. Drinking flavored waters, juice, coffee...whatever but beer. I was actually really proud of him. Going from 20+ beers EVERY night to only on the weekends...it is a big move.
But it only lasted about 7 weeks. While he isn't drinking every night like he use to, he is finding reasons to start his weekend drinking...early. If he doesn't workout, he will drink. If he gets home early from work, he drinks. Lame excuses to feed his addiction. And when he drinks, he DRINKS. It's like he is trying to catch up for the nights he wasn't drinking. And that is just annoying as fuck. He because a total moron who can't walk, stand, talk, think or has control of his bathroom needs.
Few weeks ago a good friend of ours came to visit us from Chicago and we had some deep conversations. One of them being about the landlord and his drinking. My friend pretty much told me that the landlord has a serious drinking problem and I am pretty much helping him kill himself. My reaction to this was mixed. At first I was like, how am I at fault for his addiction to drinking? But as he explains it, I allow him to do it and make it easy for him.
If he falls, I pick him up. He pees himself, I help clean himself. He makes a mess and I clean it. He needs a ride, I drive him. Whatever he needs, I do it. And because of this, my anger towards the landlord has grown and my tolerance for his behavior has decreased...greatly, which just makes me more anger.
I don't understand how someone can get so drunk...EVERY time they drink. I understand getting a buzz. But I don't understand when you lose all reasoning.
Just tonight he started drinking at 5pm. By 10pm he was so hammered that he can't stand and fall on top of the pizza you just ordered. And once on the floor after taking out the coffee table, the side table with the food on it, lay right where you fell and keep eating. Of course I lost my cool and tried to make him clean up the mess, which was pointless. The man just fell on top of his food and he is still eating not noticing he has fallen. He tries to clean by wiping the floor with a paper towel no where near where all his food landed.
All I could do was just scream at him. Bunch of mean ass shit flying out of my mouth telling him he needs fucking help and get control of his drinking. I was so mad that I actually smacked him on the back of the head like they do on NCIS. And he and I got in a shoving match. And had he and I not walked away, I am not sure just how far it would have gotten. I seriously think both of us might have taken things way out of control. That I was anger enough to fight him and he was drunk enough to possibly hit me. Shit got real for a second. Kind of took me back to my step father and his drinking.
He finally just went to bed, leaving all of his mess. Food on the floor, crap knocked over and tables tipped over. I just sat there...frozen. I always believed that not all drunks are the same. And I still believe that. But the real impact on me is that drunks stresses me out. Drunks, bring out the super bitch in me. Drunks, makes me take care of them.
For the first time in 8 years I am thinking that, maybe this isn't best situation for me. That maybe I can't live with someone who drinks to excess every time they drink. That I can't/shouldn't be around this. It is no longer endearing, funny, tolerable. It's turning me into someone I don't like and I'm not even the person drinking.
But how do you remove yourself from the situation when it involves someone you love and care about more than anyone you ever cared about in your whole life, without removing yourself from them? How do you avoid the pain it will cause? How do you unlink yourself from the problem when the problem is so attached and so much about the person you love? How?
I'm still a bit shaky from the whole event that just happened. And I am sure he won't remember a thing in the morning.
The landlord started this no drinking thing on work days. And at first, I didn't think he could do it, but to my surprise he did it. He was doing super good. Drinking flavored waters, juice, coffee...whatever but beer. I was actually really proud of him. Going from 20+ beers EVERY night to only on the weekends...it is a big move.
But it only lasted about 7 weeks. While he isn't drinking every night like he use to, he is finding reasons to start his weekend drinking...early. If he doesn't workout, he will drink. If he gets home early from work, he drinks. Lame excuses to feed his addiction. And when he drinks, he DRINKS. It's like he is trying to catch up for the nights he wasn't drinking. And that is just annoying as fuck. He because a total moron who can't walk, stand, talk, think or has control of his bathroom needs.
Few weeks ago a good friend of ours came to visit us from Chicago and we had some deep conversations. One of them being about the landlord and his drinking. My friend pretty much told me that the landlord has a serious drinking problem and I am pretty much helping him kill himself. My reaction to this was mixed. At first I was like, how am I at fault for his addiction to drinking? But as he explains it, I allow him to do it and make it easy for him.
If he falls, I pick him up. He pees himself, I help clean himself. He makes a mess and I clean it. He needs a ride, I drive him. Whatever he needs, I do it. And because of this, my anger towards the landlord has grown and my tolerance for his behavior has decreased...greatly, which just makes me more anger.
I don't understand how someone can get so drunk...EVERY time they drink. I understand getting a buzz. But I don't understand when you lose all reasoning.
Just tonight he started drinking at 5pm. By 10pm he was so hammered that he can't stand and fall on top of the pizza you just ordered. And once on the floor after taking out the coffee table, the side table with the food on it, lay right where you fell and keep eating. Of course I lost my cool and tried to make him clean up the mess, which was pointless. The man just fell on top of his food and he is still eating not noticing he has fallen. He tries to clean by wiping the floor with a paper towel no where near where all his food landed.
All I could do was just scream at him. Bunch of mean ass shit flying out of my mouth telling him he needs fucking help and get control of his drinking. I was so mad that I actually smacked him on the back of the head like they do on NCIS. And he and I got in a shoving match. And had he and I not walked away, I am not sure just how far it would have gotten. I seriously think both of us might have taken things way out of control. That I was anger enough to fight him and he was drunk enough to possibly hit me. Shit got real for a second. Kind of took me back to my step father and his drinking.
He finally just went to bed, leaving all of his mess. Food on the floor, crap knocked over and tables tipped over. I just sat there...frozen. I always believed that not all drunks are the same. And I still believe that. But the real impact on me is that drunks stresses me out. Drunks, bring out the super bitch in me. Drunks, makes me take care of them.
For the first time in 8 years I am thinking that, maybe this isn't best situation for me. That maybe I can't live with someone who drinks to excess every time they drink. That I can't/shouldn't be around this. It is no longer endearing, funny, tolerable. It's turning me into someone I don't like and I'm not even the person drinking.
But how do you remove yourself from the situation when it involves someone you love and care about more than anyone you ever cared about in your whole life, without removing yourself from them? How do you avoid the pain it will cause? How do you unlink yourself from the problem when the problem is so attached and so much about the person you love? How?
I'm still a bit shaky from the whole event that just happened. And I am sure he won't remember a thing in the morning.
posted by Diarrhea of the Mouth at 11:24 PM
2 Comments:
I have been reading your blog and the landlord's blogs for years. I tried commenting once on his blog to break through his denial about his alcohlism, but he just cracked a couple of jokes. I am glad that you are realizing that its serious. Unfortunately, you are in the unenviable position of loving an alcoholic. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that if he continues to drink, you will move out. I would recommend he go to AA. This may seem harsh, but how will you feel if he drinks himself to death knowing you helped him do it? If you would like me to email you, let me know as I have personal experience with this from his perspective.
-J
I agree with Anonymous. I grew up in Tosa/Milwaukee, land of alcoholics. I live in Los Angeles now but I work Summerfest every year and when I come back I see another friend who has succumbed to alcohol. Sounds like you are codependent and an enabler in love. He has to get to step 1, "I have a problem" before he can help himself.
You can't help those who can't help themselves.
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