Not Ready To Make Nice...

I know it has been awhile since I posted anything.  I had planned on telling my story (nightmare).  Thought it might be good for me but I found it to be more difficult than I planned.  It brought back memories that I had put away and feelings I thought I had dealt with.  Not feelings of sorrow or sadness but anger.  It was shocking, actually.  I really thought I had put all of this behind me, that it was far away enough to not invoke feelings of any kind.  To be honest with you, I am not sure if I will finish telling you my story.  No one, not even my BFF (landlord), kids, family or the ex-husband knows the whole story.  The portion with my step father is nothing really.  Nothing compare to what happened afterwards.  I won't wish it on anyone.  I think I might need time to process this more.  To maybe really think it out, deal with the emotions it seems to bring up.  Like the Dixie chicks sang, I'm not ready to make nice...not yet I guess.

In other news...life is good.  Work is great.  I love my job and I am damn good at it.  Personal life is good too.  I am in a good place and really never been happier.  People say the economy is bad but I am not really feeling it.  I got a new car (Jeep Wrangler...my dream car), got a fancy new cell phone and tablet.  And of course I have my beautiful shoe room...yes I said ROOM.  I turned the spare bedroom into a shoe room.  400 and counting...lol (don't judge me).

I feel blessed these days.  I understand there are others who are suffering and having a hard time.  I don't know how I was able to avoid the pit falls of the down economy.  I am cheap, that's for sure but I don't deny myself the things I want.  I just research and find the best price possible.  I have friends now who gives me lists to find them the items they want for the best price.  those shoes you see in the picture...most expensive ones are the tennis shoes at $66 a pair.  The rest average about $30 a pair.  I am not a label or brand whore.

Those of you who read this blog know that I use to be fat (240) and had the gastric bypass.  I'm currently at 120-125.  In Feb it will be 3 years since the surgery.  While I would love to lose another 10-15 pounds but I am not unhappy with the size or weight I am currently.  I feel...pretty and attractive...now.  I feel confident and proud...if that makes any sense.  I'm 38 and never been in better shape.  I even cut off all my hair...super short.  For whatever reason, short hair to me screams confident.  I am not sure if I am in love with the new do but I am doing my best to rock it.

I have mellowed out in my older age.  I hardly go out anymore and enjoy staying home.  I actually cook and clean now and have become somewhat... domesticated.  I drive the landlord crazy with my cleaning.  I get on him all the time about picking up after himself.  I'm pretty hard on him about it...lol.  but it keeps the house clean and organize.

My life is typical and boring these days...lol.  And that is ok with me.  I guess I had to grow up at some point.