Why?

Why is it so hard to men to say they are sorry and mean it? Why is it so hard to listen and try to see the other people’s point of view? I don’t get it. Why is this something men cannot seem to do?

Last night the landlord and I were talking about what we were going to do today. I didn’t care so I told him we could do what he wanted. Go where he wanted to watch the Packer’s game. He stated that he wanted to stay home and watch it in the basement, where he and I had set up the surround sound (with two subwoofers, moved the TV and the sectional couch) so he can save some money since he felt he had spend a lot this weekend. I said fine and agreed to his plan.

Of course this morning, he had changed his mind and decided that he wanted to go to a bar that dislike, where my least favorite person was going to be. Dan, a friend of the landlord and I haven’t really spoken since the day I told him off.

Dan is a person who value people according to their income. If you make more than him, he feels you deserve respect and his attention. If you are on the same level as him (the landlord) then you are cool. But if you make less then him, well forget it. He will treat you as a piece of shit and look down upon you. And one day I got sick of his views and told him off and told him how he treats people. Well that of course didn’t go well. First, he didn’t even know that is the way he treated people and was upset that I would even think that. Second, he blames me for the break down of his relationship with his girlfriend, who is married and who I happen to be friends with. And finally, the money the landlord was missing about a month ago, Dan believes it is me who stole it. And he isn’t really shy about talking shit about me. Which is ok. Because it’s natural to talk crap about someone you don’t like. I do it, you do it, and we all do it. So I keep my distance. If the landlord wants to hang out with Dan, I don’t attend if I don’t think I can deal with being in the same room as him. We have been in the same room, we just don’t communicate.

So at 3:30 this afternoon when I got a call from the landlord asking me to pick him up from the bar because he was uncomfortable, I didn’t hesitate to say I would pick him up. The landlord suggested, that we go to a new place we discovered last night that allows smoking for a small fee. So I got ready as quick as I could (10 minutes) and went out the door. When I got there the landlord told me that he would be right out and I waited. As I waited one of the regulars that I don’t really know, walked up to my car and had a small chat with me.

Guy: hey sorry about your friend. It’s my fault he is so drunk. We played diced and well. And that one Sunday when you wanted him to come home so you could “talk” to him, well that was my fault to.

Me: no problem. Thanks.

I was bit shocked by this. The rule always has been that we (the landlord and I) don’t talk about our relationships with others. He said that no one needs to know our business. It was his rule. And I have been very good about keep that rule. So when a stranger to me comes up to me and tell me he knew I wanted to “talk” to the landlord when we weren’t talking to each other because we were fighting, it made me a bit speechless and taken off guard. But I thought to myself, not a big deal girl. It’s a small thing. You and he are getting along and don’t let this bug you. Then the straw that broke the camels back happened. The landlord came out after what seemed like forever, allowing me to sit there thinking and thinking with the group of guys standing outside smoke staring at me with Dan. And before I knew it the landlord was helping Dan into my car.

No hello, no thanks for picking me up, no is it ok if we drive Dan home. It was just assumed that I would take Dan home. What am I going to do, the guy is drunk out of his mind and can’t even get into the car without help. So with my temper about to blow and I drove Dan, the asshole, home. By the time I had gotten to Dan’s house, which isn’t far away from the bar (like 3 blocks), I had shut down. I didn’t feel like going anywhere so wanting to talk to the landlord. I was so mad that he would even put me in that position. It is no secret to the landlord that I do not like Dan. I actually hate Dan. I wasn’t lying when I said that if Dan died, I wouldn’t shed a tear or miss him. I won’t even care. And while that may be cool, that is really how much I hate him. And not that I am a super loving person I don’t hate people. Might dislike people and be indifferent to people but I don’t hate people. But I hate Dan. I hate everything about him. But I won’t go on about why because, that’s a different post. Maybe some other day.

So after dropping off Dan, I drove straight home.

L: we aren’t going anywhere?

I didn’t answer. I was upset and didn’t want to say anything that I didn’t mean because I was mad. I just wanted some distance from him until I cooled off.

At 9:00 tonight I went upstairs and tried to talk to him. I explained to him how I didn’t like what he did. As usual he was more annoyed then understanding. He pretty much ignored most of what I said and all he got out of it was…

L: I will never put Dan in your car again.

UGH! It’s deeper than that. Why would he first of all put me in that position? And just because he is drunk, why is it my job to make sure he gets home safe? Would Dan do the same for me? Of course not. So why do I need to be the bigger person? And why break the rule of not talking about our situations and problem to people, especially when I am to follow it without question? The landlord couldn’t understand why I be upset about any of it.

L: what is the big deal? He was drunk and lives close by. And why am I getting in trouble over what some drunken guy said to you in the parking lot? What is the point here?

The point is it would have been nice to be asked if I minded taking the evil smelly piece of shit Dan home. More than likely, I would have done it anyways but it’s nice to be asked. It is my car, my gas, my time and my ability to put up with this asshole. And the point of the guy who knew about me wanting to “talk” to him, just that if I’m expected to follow the rule of not talking about our problems then do me the same, so I am not standing there like an asshole when someone I don’t know comes up to me talks to me about it.

All I really wanted was for the landlord to see it from my point of view and maybe a sorry. Something like…

“Ok, I guess I can see your point. I didn’t think it be a big deal to drive Dan home. I know you don’t like him but he was super drunk and needed a safe way to get home. I will ask next time. And sorry about the guy. I was bothered that we were fighting few weeks back and was venting to guys over shots. I was drunk and it must have just slipped out. I could see how that might be uncomfortable for you.”

That is really all I would have needed to hear and have him understand.

I try really hard to understand his point of view all the time. If he tells me to not do something and that it bothers him, I try super hard to not repeat whatever it is that bothers him. I try to listen to what he has to say when we are talking and take everything in. But he doesn’t. He acts as if I’m just annoying him and I talk just to hear myself talk. I just don’t get it.

Why is it so hard to just listen and hear what someone has to say? If people would just listen and hear each other’s and try to see the other point of view, there won’t be as much fighting in this world. I am not saying you have to agree with the other point of view but try to understand and really listen. When people don’t do this, it makes the other person feel unimportant and not valued. I am not saying I’m right all the time. In fact I know I am wrong many times. But if you care about someone you take the time to listen.

Payday cannot come fast enough. I need to buy more shoes.